A Purrific Birthday Feast
by Intoxicated Gnu
Summary: It's Ranmaru's birthday, and his bandmates have found out his secret: that he is a nice boy who likes cats. Will they treat him differently? Will he get cat-themed As-Seen-On-TV products for his presents?


"Happy birthday, Ranmaru!" "Ran-Ran!"

His first instinct had been to turn away, but he'd been lured in by the smell of rare meats. He didn't even have a cake, but a Birthday Turducken. He didn't know what it was, because it was an English word he hadn't heard in a rock song, but it was fucking amazing. Except for the wax spots.

"Yay! Present time!" Reiji wailed in his most obnoxious girl voice.

Ranmaru glared, sucking on the bone remnants of his birthday meal. He liked stuff, but he wasn't very close to his band mates, which meant they were going to give him crap. But it wasn't like he had anything better to do than stick around, so when Reiji grinned the most punchworthy grin and shoved a small box in his face, he took it. He glanced briefly to Hyuuga for help, but even Hyuuga had the stupid hat on. The man just nodded at him and Ranmaru sighed around the bone, tearing down the red wrapping paper with his free hand.

The tag noted it was from two people: Ai and Hyuuga. That meant he was probably getting his most expensive gift first. If it wasn't good, at least he could hock it for something better. They were tiny and glistened with every twitch of his hand, speaking of their worth. He nearly threw them across the room, thinking they were earrings, but when he looked closer, he realized that they were cufflinks. Platinum, he quickly decided. And were those diamonds? They were a stupid gift since they would just get covered over by his jacket, but he was pleasantly surprised anyway. "Thanks," he mumbled, and even meant it.

He was about to put the lid back on the box when he noticed something more: they weren't round. He took one out, delicately holding it between his pointer finger and his thumb, and held it up to the light. It was really more of an oval, and there were two small ridges on top. He guessed it was more rock that way, so they were acceptable. Putting the link back and closing the lid, he nodded in thanks, his eyes glistening in anticipation of wearing the secretly elegant pieces of metal under his black leather.

Hyuuga knew Ranmaru was more enthusiastic than he let on. He smiled a little and said, "Ai mentioned you were big on fashion. I thought small details would improve your wardrobe a bit."

To Ranmaru's left, Haruka held out a larger box, a sweet blush spread across her cheeks. "I got this for you…"

Why was she fidgeting so much? Ranmaru rolled his eyes as he pulled out his pocket knife and cut the bow off the top; he wasn't going to sit there playing with it like an idiot. He plucked off the lid of the box just as quickly and pulled out… a cat pillow?

He must have looked as confused as he felt, because Haruka stared at the floor and said, "You're going to be travelling a lot, so I thought… a travel pillow would be helpful…"

Ranmaru grabbed the offending thing and threw it on the table. Now that he looked at it closer, it was a travel pillow. It was cat-shaped, so if he had it around his neck, it would look like a cat was curled up around him. "Thanks…" he mumbled, still confused. He supposed it was alright. "If any of you guys take pictures, you're dead."

Haruka just smiled, taking this as confirmation he would use it.

"Open mine next, Ran-Ran!"

Ranmaru sighed and pulled away what was sure to be his dumbest gift. If he got a pair of maracas, they were going up Reiji's ass.

"Ah wait, the card first!"

As an envelope was shoved right in his face, Ranmaru growled and took the card. He tore open the envelope getting it out and stared at it. The cover was white, containing only writing in black: "Beclaws we love you…" Glancing towards Reiji in a threatening manner, he paused for a moment before flipping it open. "To our favorite mewsician!" _What the f-…_ There was a picture of a cat with a fish-bone guitar, and it looked pretty into what it was playing. He suppose the sentiment was there, it was just… Someone had gone behind his back to pick out this theme to embarrass him. His first thought was Camus, whom he looked over to. Camus was feigning disinterest in the whole thing, as usual.

Ranmaru put the card down without a word and stared at the box. It _was_ from Reiji. "I don't need it." He tossed it to the side and lazily stuck his chin in his hand before asking, "Can I go home now?"

"But Ran-Ran!" Reiji cried, putting the horrid sparkly purple wrapped thing back on the table, "Come on! I picked it out just for you!"

"I said I don't need it!" Ranmaru wouldn't have been so vehement about it, only he hadn't gotten Reiji anything for his last birthday and that screwed the whole thing up. He wasn't going to owe Reiji anything or rank below him in anything, and that was that.

"But I got you a sweater!" Reiji unwrapped it himself and held it out to show Ranmaru.

Ranmaru glared menacingly, his chance not to take the gift destroyed. The sweater was red, and it did look awful warm. It also had pawprints along the sides. Ranmaru gave up and laid the thing with his other gifts. His eyes slid back towards Haruka. "You helped, didn't you?"

Haruka watched her own fingertips tap the table nervously. "Everyone asked me what to get you and… I didn't know what else to say. I'm sorry!"

"Hmph." Ranmaru leaned back, resting his hands behind his head. "Well…" He closed his eyes so as to maintain an ounce of his dignity. "I don't hate it," he admitted against every instinct.

The atmosphere of the room brightened immediately – Ranmaru hadn't even noticed the heavy tension.

"Wait," came a cool voice, "You imbeciles have forgotten my gift." Camus pushed Haruka aside and sat directly across from his to gauge his reaction. "Now, open it."

Haruka had to bring it over first, because the asshole hadn't bothered. Ranmaru was used to him treating everyone like a slave, and just groaned inwardly at the girl accepting it completely. _Whatever_, he thought, and began to unwrap the _oh so special_ gift. He corrected his earlier thought – this would most certainly be his most expensive gift because Camus was a bitchy show-off. It was the biggest box, too.

He had an insult lodged in the back of his throat as he looked upon the stupid thing. There, the insult died, replaced by a sharp intake of air. "This…" It was a collection of every CD, every single, and every piece of official merchandise ever released for the relatively small-time Chicagoan band _Bloody Onions_, who had become popular in Japan's underground rock scene before the lead singer had died from rocking out too hard at a concert, which had caused internal bleeding. Ranmaru had never met anyone who'd even heard of them, and he didn't remember mentioning the band to anyone other than the stray cats at his apartment. His eyes felt hot with tears from the emotion of the experience.

He had to catch his breath – and his composure – before he spoke: "How did you know?"

Camus merely made a haughty half-chuckle, his arms crossed neatly and his mouth in a shit-eating grin. "I have my ways, Kurosaki."

Ranmaru could do nothing but smile. "I'll bet you do, you asshole. I'll bet you do."

Another day, another time, Ranmaru would wonder what those ways were and become suspicious of his bandmate – but for his first birthday as a real band, it hadn't been too horrible.


End file.
